Vampire for My Valentine

I love hearing backcracks. I don't know what that's about. I like used to google chiropractor videos. There's just something so satisfying. This one a guy with the boom mic out in nature. Two people were rolling on a thig and this boom guy was like, what the Viga route over? Then you think that guy probably works in porn too. He does backcracking and porn. We need more bad squeak you guys. Welcome to Scary Mystery Surprise, where we talk about scary things that surprised us around the Internet. I'm Edwin, I'm Michelle Well number one. Happy Valentine's Day, Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. You know what's bizarre is that Valentine's Day has this weird connection to vampires. I know, why are vampires so sexy and cool? And actually Dracula Bela Lagosi's movie came out on Valentine's Day. Really yeah, Bela Lagosi got love letters from women the rest of his life. Had no idea. The black and white one, yeah, the black and white one with the cape. Not knows Faratu with the things, but like Fella Legosi with the cape and the Widow's peak, and I want to suck your blood. That one I had no idea, that's you learned something every day. And then I was like, am I going to write like a vampire's Valentine's Day Guide? And I was like a picnic at night exchanging vials of blood like Angelina and Billy Bob Sorten or maybe Mega Fox and Machine Gun Kelly. And there's no real healthy example of a vampire human relationship that doesn't have a power and balance. Yeah, you have somebody always just sucking the blood out of you. There's always a lot of sucking, which I think also has to do with Valentine's Day. There's a lot of sucking that goes on explicit check mark. Oh yeah, where do I go with vampires? And I was like, let's go back, Let's go way back. I could have gone with Vlad. And there's like a bunch of cereal killers throughout time that get called vampires. Vampire of Hanover, if you want a nightmare, go look him up. He won't be on this comedy fuckcast. But I figured I'd talk about the original legend on which the vampire is based, and that is the Strugoy. For what the strog oy, the string oi strog Oi so spelled st r i g o i so strog Oi. It's a legend that's based out of Transylvania, which really makes the legend like Romanian and Hungarian because it's Transylvania's traded hands so many times throughout history they share the legend. Now, so Stragoi are said to be bald at the top of their head. They do not eat garlic or onions, they avoid incense. Its spine is elongated in the form of a tail with hair. Wow. Okay, I'm probably like four out of those five descriptions, and there's ways that you could be more because there's two types of strogoi. There's a living strogoi and there's a dead Stragoi. Oo okay. The living strogoi, basically a living vampire is basically someone that's said to be destined to become a stragoy, so like a sorcerer or a witch. But they're very much alive and maybe look like all of us, maybe a little bit paler. And then I wrote, how do you become a living strogoy edwin, I'm glad you asked, well, I asked, Yeah, thank god you asked, because I have a whole list here things that might make you a living strogoi. Let's see. Oh, you're born in your amniotic sac you're born with a tail or. You're born with a dry skin on your head cradle cap. That means that your mother drank demonized uncleaned water during pregnancy. All right, the humanized water like that sounds like a cool energy drink to south, demonized unclean water. If you are born the seventh child with six other children of the same sex, you can become a strigoy. So if you're a family, If your family has six boys ahead of you and you're the seventh boy born, you can become a strigoy. If you are your mother's third bastard child, you can be a strigoy. If your mom's shaking off, not married, and you're the third one, you're fucked. A person who converted to Satanism, a person who's committed a lot of crimes, can also be a strogoy. If you are bitten by a strigoi, then you can turn into one. If you drink the blood of a strogoy, you can turn into one. What you're just drinking blood, You're like a hope, this is not STRAGOI blood look after my undemonized energy drink, like to chase it with a cup of blood. Oh gee, that demonice water sounds a lot like that drink LA water? Is that what? It's never heard of that at the bars? I didn't know. It's like, hey, can I get an La water? What is it? I don't know. I just heard somebody asked for it. Is it dirty? And I'm assuming it's just brown whatever. I'm assuming it's like a whiskey based drink, but just to make it brown, just toilet paper floating in there, That's what I imagine. And then there's like a ton of cocaine in it too as well, like cocaine, whiskey and toilet paper. And that's La water. So living stragoy have very sharp, prominent canine teeth during childhood, so they'll have little little fangies and they develop much faster than normal children. They're more mischievous, they lie, they kill small animals, and they steal. They're more active at night, and they can be shape shifters and they can turn into cat's dogs, pigs, owls, even wolves. This sounds like the perfect monster. No other monsters out there but this one. Sounds perfect. So the thing is is that they're alive. So it's their souls that leave their bodies at night and wander around and cause mischief. So like that's like the evil part. Wow, okay, So anyway, Strugoy strocli, I keep wanting to say stracoli, and that's not the alert. It sounds like a pasta thing. It does sound it sounds like an American pasta. A strocli. Gonna get some strocoli, guys, Yeah, like I heat it up a can of strocoli. Wait, hold on, Michelle, I have a question though. So this you're saying that this is like a spirit that leaves at night. Yeah, so their souls leave their body go cause mischief. And in some communities they place garlic around the windows of their homes. They smear it on their livestock just to make sure it smells. Strougoy don't like the smell of garlic. So that's like where that part of the ledge it came from. So they're just trying to protect their livestock, trying to protect their homes from these kind of mischievous spirits. Now, the dead Straugoy, these are the really bad ones. These are the ones that you don't want anywhere near you. They're the most dangerous type. Only The dead Strugoi can inflict pain and cause illness, and they can even affect the weather and damage certain communities if they're trying to seek revenge. They can prevent the cows from producing milk. They can also kill their relatives by taking their souls away. What. Yeah, they son more evil than the other thing. Yeah, and they're like more decayed. They come out of the grave. They're usually pale bald and have no nose and very like sharp ears, and they have a tail and they're just like rotting. Okay, that just changes everything completely, Like in my head, it just goes into well, okay, that is so. The dead Strougoi live in the underworld and are sent back to the world of the living by the devil in order to carry out his bidding. They also suck the blood of their family members and livestock. As they do, they become more powerful, giving them superhuman speed and strength besides shape shifting, become invisible and drive people away from the villages and torment their family. And by the way, what time period are we talking about here? Like nowadays? The people they got mushed together to become Dracula. There's a bunch of people that got mushed together are all from this region, So that's the fourteen hundreds. The sixteen hundreds, we're in that range. Imagine something horrific like lad the and Paler decides to come and put somebody's head on a stake. That's only going to add to to this myth. That's only going to add to the background. So the strokoy is like the background myth in which all of those things are based. It's so hard for me to imagine times like those. We're in proper medieval times and the strougoy are terrifying. If your community was being terrorized and you didn't know why. A common way to find a vampire strogoy was to place a seven year old Edwin dressed in white on a black horse near a graveyard at the middle of the day. It was believed that the horse would stop at the grave that was suspected of being a vampire. The horse knew like a yeah, the horse would know which gravy that you had to get into and what they do. When you found it, you would dab it again. So there was like a few things so they could stick a hawthorn branch in the heart. It was weird because a lot of the things didn't seem like it was to actually kill the vampire. It was to keep it in its grave. You could use iron nails stake it into its grave. You could bury it face down. A lot of people would bury you like a scythe over its neck, so if the thing started to come up, it would chop its own head off. Instead of just chopping its head off hate it is also an option. They would also chop its head off. In severe cases, if their family was getting sick, they would take the corpse, chop it up, burn it, mix the ashes with water, and then have the family members drink the concoction to help with any sickness that they might have been having. This is real. Yeah, this was like the belief, and then that belief turned into real customs of putting the scythe over somebody's neck and people would drink the ashes. I'm like in shock. I don't I think I've heard of something similar, But yeah, I don't know. I don't know what to say, Like that is yeah, nobody's getting better. It's just it doesn't make any sense. Why they would do that, Like why the ash I wonder what was the belief behind that. I think it would be that like the strigoy was like stealing your energy, right, Like it's stealing your energy, it's stealing your blood, and so if you kill it and consume it, you'll get that back. We see that there's no logic behind that. That was the cure. That was the cure. I'm trying to imagine that. Dig up a family member and you're like, uh, okay, by the way, dead body, you know that one the person who wrote to us, uh huh about the spell of death. I'm like, I'm thinking, Okay, somebody's actually decaying in their coffin. They're probably melted into the thing already. Now you have to, yeah, you gotta dig them up, chop off their head, which is yeah, probably you would just literally lift it up and it will fall off. Depends. It depends on where they were in their trendsition, right like in decay, because a lot of the time dig up somebody and they hadn't been dead for that long, so it's like they could still see the hair growing and the nails growing, which we know now is just actually like the skin receding as you decay, So your nails aren't really growing and your hair is not really growing. It's just like your skin kind of contracting. But I do have a case example which is like maybe the first example of a stragoy, and it's it's from fifteen seventy nine. You got it. I got a stragoy. I got a real stragoy. Here he got a tail. Oh he just yeah, he's a creep. So Ur a Grando, was alive from fifteen seventy nine to sixteen fifty six, and the legend goes after his death, after some sort of illness, he began to terrorize his village. The legend tells that for sixteen years after his death, Ura would arise from his grave by night and terrorize the village. The village priest, who had buried Eura sixteen years previously, discovered that at night, someone would knock on the doors around the village. On whichever door he knocked, someone from that house would die within the next few days. Ura also appeared to his terrified widow in her bedroom, who described the corpse as looking as though he was smiling and gasping for breath like I'm assuming, like oh wow, Okay, I was trying to like just I'm assuming that's what he was like or something. This went on for sixteen years before his body was exhumed, when it was found that his body hadn't decayed all and he had a huge grin across his face. The townspeople found his skin was completely impenetrable, and even though they were trying to stab him and stake him in the heart, it wasn't working until they did a couple exorcisms and finally they were able to saw his head off, at which point blood spewed everywhere blood and the vampire screamed, but eventually died, and the legend goes that after he was decapitated, peace resumed in the village. That is a really cool story, that's all. I like it. I like it a lot. I like legends like that a lot. I just don't find it so funny that vampires are so like sexy, now what it's this was like the most unsexy story. I could have just told you. They have tales. They have like little bald spots on the tops of their heads before they even become full vampires come on little weird, little hairy tails it's just it's hard. I mean, it's always been difficult for me to see like vampires as this like cool hip thing, and because I mean I never watched any of those vampire movies. I mean, I'll forever love Eric Northman and True Blood, because come on, I have to note this. While I was researching, there is some sort of young adult fiction called Vampire Academy that has its own war with the strogoy and different types of strogoy, because sometimes the dead stragoy are called I think they're called Moray something, but I couldn't find where that was official and if that was just actually the Vampire Academy's and so I had to be a little careful to not just repeat some young adult fiction like The Ministry of Magic. So I was just like, I'll just call them the strugoy, a living strugoy and a dead strugoy, and the dead strugoy you don't want, and the living strougoy you can deal with because they don't like garlic. So it's like I imagine them as a little alien looking creatures, like human, weirdly like slithering slithering like snaky people. I don't know. Oh yeah, and they have sharp teeth they have, like those weird sharp teeth, you know, those teeth that everyone in La have if there's ever an apocalypse and all their caps fall out. Yeah, those teeth in anything, dentists drills shade like the act of shaving down. Okay, I read in the news rese not ready. I think I heard it somewhere about a woman that woke up during her funeral, which is so fitting to this now as she I'm glad that they didn't like put a thing over her neck, so she just sat up and chopped her own at all. Yeah, wakes up during and during funeral that was recent, that was actually it was recent six days ago. I'm glad I didn't embalm her because usually they switched blood out to embalm somebody. He says, right here, us woman presumed dead wakes up in body bag, gasping for air. The woman was put into a body bag and taken to ancony funeral house and crematory, and then their staff members discover that she was still alive. They have a nice picture of the funeral home. Oh that's nice. I mean that's horrifying for them and her, like having a body sit up that's everybody's nightmare. I think of that because I used to volunteer at a hospital when I was in high school and it I used to stay not like late at night sometimes just to make up my hours because procrastination, like you have to stay longer. But that night all you do is clock out. Nobody's really there, So I'll just roam around whatever, and I would always see the cards, like the stretchers, and you try to just ignore. You're like going the other way now, because sometimes they leave them out in the hall where they get someone else or I don't know what they do, but they leave them out and then they take them wherever they need to go. And oh that's weird, it is not cool. And yeah, my fear is that they just sit up like all fast and yeah, that's terrifying. Yeah. If I was ever like on one of those camera show that they do that, I will scream. I will scream like I've never screamed before, and I will run put my hands on my cheeks like that. I will do that. Look, it's a primal fear. We get it. I think it's totally understandable. Yeah, but that's all I got. I'm trying to spitball, any sort of vampire y Valentine's Day thing. But what else is there? I don't know. Did you ever see Twilight? I think I did. I remember I had a friend read us aloud the Twilight books while I was on our road trip, and it was delightful because they were so bad, Like, the writing is so bad in the Twilight books, and she was just she was like reading the character of Bella as a Kathy cartoon act. Oh no, Edward, you're a scar of so shiny, like just I am so jealous you have friends that Oh yeah, it's the best. It was like we just loved it. And then at one point we were like, we want more. Oh man, that was good. Thanks a lot, Michelle, I learned a lot. I want to look up a picture of this. Are there any illustrations of Yeah, they are at the sexy. They aren't sexy Vlad they're not sexy Dracula, they're not sexy, Bela Lagosi, they're not sexy Alexander Scarsguard. Oh okay, this is evil looking. It's holding a heart. Oh wow, Okay, these things are ugly. Okay. Oh. Also, in two thousand and four, there was a case in I think Romania, they thought they had a strogoy in their village, and so like this guy died and then his brother in law became convinced that he was a strogoy, so they dug him up, cut out his heart, and cremated it, and then nine of the family members drank the cremated remains, and then they got in trouble with the government because that's an illegal You can't eat a dead body? Can you drink a dead body? I don't think you can drink a dead I think it's messing with a dead body. I don't think we're allowed to mess with dead bodies. See, I think that's where vampire should have gone towards that ain't so yeah, instead of with a weird sexy vampire like it's that's not a sexy vampire that you don't want in your room that you're like, I will smear myself in garlic for the rest of eternity to keep that away from me. What other monsters, Like, do you think you could be sexified like that? I really don't think you can do that. Imagine we'll see what vampires and witches are sexified. But I don't know if I don't know what else. You can't really sexify Frankenstein since he's just cut up pieces of corps zombies. O God, I don't think you can and their whole nature, they're just decaying. Yeah, sexifyed demons. Demons could be sexified since there are like literal sex demons as we know because of our Mordar, yeah, or because of Wes. We know because of Wes. If you know of any other creatures that could be sexified, please write into us. So the voting's over. Michelle's gonna take it from here. Yep, man, thank you all for voting for Doll. Doll is the clear winner, and Edwin is preparing himself. I think, yeah, I need to find some rituals to make sure that the doll that I have now does not come to life. And you know what, just last week I was listening to celebrity ghost stories. I listened to them instead of watching them, even though watching them it's really scary, but I know it's an old show. Don't make fun of me again, Michelle, But that show had the story of a doll that a doll was moving. It was just and then they had to go and burn it in the backyard. It creeped me out because when I was growing up, I heard one of the very first creepy ghost stories I ever heard was over the radio. I was like seven. My parents were driving from the southern border up through San Diego and that stretched to La and in that you catch a signal from Mexico, which has had the story of this doll. People would call in and tell the story. And this guy is straight up saying, yeah, this doll stood up and walked away, and we all saw her when nobody knew what to say. We never talked about it. Since we haven't seen that doll. Creep me out. It just there's something about that, plus something like I said, sometimes I see the doll here at night, and well, they're supposed to be vessels. They are supposed to be vessels. We'll see, we'll see what happens. Now it's my turn. I'll take it from here. Folks all by the doll and send it to Edwins so it's a true unboxing, so he doesn't know what he's getting. I'll record it, send it over, update you guys through Instagram at scary mystery surprise. Now I'm nervous because it's real. I thought it was going to be like nobody's gonna vote. We have some loyal listeners, that's all. It's nice to know they're out there. Yeah. The seriously things a lot is that's the only way we know or actually, yeah, we can see downloads or whatever, but like when you write to us, we're like, oh wow, it's awesome. Yeah, we love it. Oh man. But anyway, so that thing's gonna keep going. We'll keep you posted. That's scheduled for sometime in the next few episodes. So yeah, so what are we going to talk about next week, Edwin? I don't know that it will be a surprise. Bye guys. Yeah,