The Unworthy: Book Club Episode

Hi, this is Christina and Carmen and this is another episode of his Booky tells the podcast for all Things is Bookie Hunted, plazas, myths, legends, sometimes to crime, but today book Club, book book Club. Yes, we are finally discussing the unworthy. It's been months. It's just what only our second book of the year and we're halfway into the year. What is wrong? But that's about how long it takes for us, like three ish months. Usually it's not even like we read it so fast and then we just like delayed that we don't note, write our recap notes and then sit down to record it. Yeah, that's what happens, because I finished this so fast. But you know what, I'm glad that I listened to it and I read it, and then I sort of reread it to recap it, and then I listened to other podcasts about it because oh my god, I miss so much because I'm down the same same. Yeah, so what happens to your dumb and you read you know? Yeah, like I was gonna say, if you don't know how our book Club episodes work, we do a very short on spoiler summary that's just the back of the book. Yeah, so we let you know those synopsis from the book, yes, the synopsis from the book, and then after that it's a recap of the book like a recap, then discussion questions throughout the recap, we do give our opinions. But I love a recap. So I love a recap because sometimes we talk about just doing a discussion without a recap, but then because we love we love a rec I love to rehash and talk about the same thing over and over again. And that's kind of what a recap is because we already talked about it, me and Christina, Yeah, and I listened to other podcasts talking about it, and now we are rehashing, rehashing, recapping, yapping. Yeah. Yeah. And also we did just last minute wish that we had some Nun outfits ready so we could dress up on theme. Maybe something we'll explore for the next book club. If there's a costume that applies to it. I think that would be fun. But Adam, it was too late for this one, but this one would have been perfect. It would Okay, do you want to read the synopo and I'll do the recap. Of course, I was just gonna say, should I read the synopsis. Yeah, all right, so here's the synopsis from her cell. In a mysterious convent, cloistered away from the climate catastrophe that has plunged the world into chaos, a woman writes the story of her life in whatever she can find, discarded ink and even her own blood. A lower member of the Sacred's Sisterhood, deemed and unworthy, she dreams of ascending to the ranks of the enlightened at the center of the convent, and of pleasing the forbidding superior sister. But when a strange newcomer joins the ranks of the unworthy, their narrator is forced to consider her long buried past. As she grows closer to the newcomer, she is increasingly hunted by questions that she can no longer ignore. How does she get to the Sacre's sisterhood, Why can't you remember her life before? And what really happens when a woman is chosen to be enlightened? Nundown also, look at this cover. Bam, I'm glad we have this one and not one of the other comforts I've seen around. I haven't seen the other one. The one has like a cockroach. I think, Oh, I couldnot own that. I would throw up immediately, I or never, I would not have bought it. No, yeah, no, this one I really like. I love the ombre too on the nun out it. Yes, it's pretty and like ominous, like what is she looking at? And then and then you turn it and you're like, what are they doing? This is a cult? Yeah yeah, and then you read the synopsis and you're like, yeah, this is a cult. Yeah yeah. Before I guess, before we get to the recap, did you picture anybody as any specific characters? I actually didn't, Okay, I didn't until we were talking about it right now, and I'm not picturing anyone specific, but I'm picturing the what was the movie you want to watch? The Omen, the prequel to the Omen, the first Omen, the First No, I'm picturing like that vibe because of the nuns. Oh yeah, I like it. I agree. Okay. So we start off the book very dark and grossly very gross, very gross, with the narrator who never has a name. We never find her name out, she's just the narrator. Very interesting, very interesting choice there. Yeah. The narrator describes screams she hears and she hopes it's Ludez, another woman in the convent. And so then the narrator she hates Ludius by the way Ludeus and her Ludeth is a bitch. Yeah, there's there's a reason. There's a reason for it. Yeah. So the narrator then trigger warning puts cockroaches in Ludeth's pillowcase and she sews it up. And I'm not even going to describe it. It's disgusting. I was reading and I was like, oh, because I was reading, Yeah, that part horrior fine, And it's literally the first like five pages that was actually like when I was listening to it, I was able to that out. I think my mind instinctly turned it out. But then I read it and I was like, I read that part I didn't listen so gross, And immediately I'm like, this is the worst thing I've ever read. Why are they doing this? I feel attacked? Yeah, personally personally because we hate cockroaches. Raise your hand. Have you been victimized by Agustina Baserka? But yeah, it's disgusting, and so yeah, she uses the cockroaches to torture lure this and then she talks about how she tortures cockroaches and so again gross will get right and other parts that I was like. And we then learned that the narrator is writing in secret. She's living in a convent, and she talks about the priests or monks or religious men because they don't know specifically who used to live there before the world went to shit. And I don't remember she he mentioned it here, but throughout the book she talks about some of the women being haunted by the monks or priests whatever they were. Oh, that's right, I forgot about that, but yeah, I don't remember she says a hero, but it is said throughout. Yeah. So then some kind of ceremony is going on, and I thought this was a good place to go over the hierarchy of the Sacred Sisterhood. Yes, perfect, And I was still kind of confused by some of it, but we'll get into it. So in the top of the hierarchy, we have the unseen omnipoent Patriarch, who it's just referred to as He Capital H or Kim Capital H. Yeah, and then we have the Sister Superior, who's a raging bitch. Something is wrong with her. Then we have the wait, this is where I was confused because they say the enlightened, But now I think the enlightened encompasses the full auras or the light in its own thing. No, it's its own hall, I think. So yeah, yeah, So then we have the enlightened who locked away unseen. This is what they're The people in the cult are aspiring to be. Yeah, they're a spirtos in enlightened. And once they're chosen to be enlightened, they're locked away in another area of nobody sees them, but their screams can be heard. No one knows why. So I'm like, oh my god, what's going on? What is happening to them? So then after the enlightened, we have full auras, and these are women who have been mutilated, but it's like a good thing to them. And they have their tongues cut out and their ear dumps destroyed and their eyelids son shut and this is so they can be closer. I describe it later, but basically so they can like interpret God's their version of God's messages. I think that this was the full hours. Yeah, like I really akin to like the worst versions of like self flagile yadeline in fulations, yes, flatulation, like flaguline and then we have Daphnis spirits, who I know they seeing, but I don't remember what. Right, I think their islands are so shut as well, if I remembering right, I don't know. And then there's minor saints, which are different than Deaf and his spirits, right yeah. And then the unworthy, who are given shelter but have no honors or privileges. And then the servants, who are the bottom rung of the bottom, and they basically serve everybody, even the unworthy. That's how low they are, yeah, even the gross unworthy. Yeah. So back to the ceremony. So three minor saints enter the chapel, which they call the Chapel of Ascension, and the narrator describes this is just gory right away immediately, yeah. Yeah. The narrator describes blood running down one of the minor saints cheeks, and the narrator blames this on another unworthy, Marielle, saying that Marielle did a shitty job sowing the minor saint's eyes shut. Oh. So yeah, again, we learn right away that's a violent, violent place, or where violence is normaliance. We also learned that the women here are stripped of their identities, since the narrator wonders what Marielle's name used to be. So, yeah, they once they get accepted officially a new name. We then meet the weirdest bitch in this book, and all of them are kind of weird, but she takes the cake. Yeah, and I'm like, Okay, maybe going through the climate wars and the fall society will do that to a person. I mean, I would just be dead. I wouldn't I wouldn't make it that. I would have killed myself immediately. And yeah, we're talking about the Superior sister. Yeah, the weirdest, craziest bitch in the book, the craziest bitch in the I just don't say a monastery again, convent, convent. So and apparently the Sapier sister dresses like she's in the military, like combat boots and all. Yeah, so this is like a very dark cadet. Kelly, tell me why I pictured the from Matilda is a what's her name? But then yes, you're right, then later not to say this. You know, the woman from Matilda, I forgot what her I think people will know who I'm talking about, the principal or director of the school in Matilda. Yeah, I forgot what her job is in the school. That's why I didn't know Thornbul thurn Bul. Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't remember the name, but I know that's why I pictured as the peer's sister. But then the narrator talks about how beautiful a peer sister is, and that's why I went to Condet Kelly. Yeah, I think that's maybe more more fitting. But she just doesn't give off like horrible, mean, crazy vibes like that. But no, right, you know, I don't know. I was windul but evil, Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah. And we also learned that he or him the patriarch is at the altar behind the screen very owz like yeah, and only the chosen and the enlightened have the privilege of seeing him. So then he goes on to give a sermon, and basically he's saying that to enlightened, you have to give up your origin and your belief in the Christian God and Christianity, who he and everyone in the convent refers to as the erroneous God, the false Son, and the negative Mother. I was like, oh, who, snap makes I love these names? Yeah, like this song the false Son anyway, and then he calls him unworthy, which he does basically every time he's at the fucking chapel. He's like, you freaking unworthy bitches, and I think, bitch, no, I say that, yes, yes. So the Minor Saints go on to sing a hymn which a nator narrator calls the primary hymn, and apparently only the Minor Saints know this language of the hymn soul. They're the only ones allowed to sing it. And then he explains to him and he's saying that it's about God protecting them from contamination through the enlightened, and this is when he says one of their favorite phrases, say with me without faith, there is huge And the narrator goes on to talk about the Minor Saints and how saintly they are, and we learn more about the beliefs behind the middilation of the Minor Saints that you're like, why why, Yeah, you're kind of like, what the fuck is going on? What is going on? Like Jim in the episode of the Office, I forgot, I think it's the fire, yeah, alarm one. And you know what, reading the book kind of made you feel like that it was very much what is going on. Yeah, yeah, so we learned that their eyes are son shut so that they're not distracted by anything and can capture the irreverbations of God prolongation of a sound. Yeah, I mean it sounds just like an excuse to soilverariye, so of course, Yeah, I just didn't know where robations meant. Oh but yeah, it's just an excuse to torture. Very unnecessary, extremely every closed their eyes. Everything that happens here, it's unnecessary. Honestly, they have to build a hierarchy. They have to. Well it's a cult, so it is. It's an essential thing of cults. Yeah. To a reader, you're like, why, what the fuck? Why the fuck? Yeah, the Minor Saints also support these sacred crystals and wear white tunics that symbolize their purity. Back to the ceremony, the Minor Saints, I start bleeding and in unison again because Marielle did a shitty job, so in their eyes. She's so all of their eyes I guess, so these are new Yeah, all of the minor Saints. I start bleeding, and in the beginning, only one of them, one of their eyes is bleeding, right, Okay, And so then the narrator is like fucking Mariel, and then she starts fantasizing about who will have the honor of cleaning up the blood of the minor saints because it's an honor. Yeah, treating the minor Saints' injuries and punishing Mariel. They're vary into punishing each other very cold like again, yeah, because this is a cult basically, and I mean that as extreme as it is in this book, that is a very realistic thing with a cultea organization, even if it's not a full blown cult yet any organization group. Yeah, yes, yes, there's gonna be yeah, people stepping over each other, rating each other out, and those are just minor, minor versions of what's going on in this book. And yeah, there's a system of snitching a culture snitching on each other that's encouraged, and it's like of sul the guise of competitive nets, supervising each other but almost what is a word I'm thinking of another word like watching each other, but yeah, surveillance in each other. Yes, wow, yeah, we got that. I was joking with my friend, oh La, how I only have half a brain cell and she's like, what where's the other half? And I was like, oh, Christina has it and together we have fun functioning brains. So that was a ceremony. The Superior Sister dismisses them after one of the minor saints faints. The narrator wonders about him as in capital h him, and she talks about some rumors, like some say that he's so beautiful that it hurts to look at him. But again except Manny Jacinto, he is so beautiful. His cheekbones are amazing. They almost do her to look at No, so sharp. Yeah. Yeah. The narrator ends up being the one to clean the blood, and then she's even like should I lock it? Like what if it purifies me? And I think she does if I remember right, Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And Luis is the one who gets to punish Mariella. And Lusis loves the ship, she eats, She lives for it. Yeah, she lives. This is her thing. Very sadistic, yeah, extremely and so yeah, rumors have it that lure this is going to have Marielle strip naked again. This is very gross and stick in her body. And she's like so excited. Yeah yeah, she's like corny for it. No, there's like a level of yeah, no, I know, yeah, yeah, we're too much over this. Yes, while the narrator is cleaning up the blood, she sees a full aura and we learn that full auras well. I mentioned it already because they added it up there. But yeah, they're also mutilated. Their ear drums are perforated so that noise does not distract them. And we also learned that the full auras understand, supposedly understand, supposedly support the supposedly they understand the divine signals from God, and that's why they have marks kind of like open wounds on their bodies that never heal. It's so very much. What's the other thing. There's a movie with the same name, Stigmata. Oh I never watched that, but I've heard of it. Yeah, very Stigmata. Like here, I mean, this is like putting the worst parts of well, again, we're all religions. I was gonna say the worst parts of Catholicism. Yeah, Catholic vibes. So yeah, and they have wounds that never heal because understanding the messages from God leaves marks on their bodies so that they never forget his presence. That's the reasoning the logic. We're dealing with here. So the narrator here is the full Aura talking, but she doesn't doesn't understand her because full Auras have their own language, and I believe each kind of rank has her own language, like the full Oors have a different language than the migasines. So soon the supier sister comes in to take the full Aura away because she's supposed to stay at the full or quarters. See, this is why I was wondering if the full Ooras are the same as Enlightened, because then they're also locked away. I just I understand are both locked away. Okay, that could be the case. Yeah, but we could both be wrong and let us know what you don't. Yeah. So then yeah, they're supposed to be locked away behind the chapel, and only the Supior sister and he have access to those quarters, which is why I thought they were the Enlightened as well. And at first I thought the Lightened was a combination or not combination, but encompassing the full Ores and the minor saints. But I'm not sure. Maybe there's levels where there's like like that. The Enlighten is the top, but they're all part of the same higher Obviously they're worth the Chosen. I still think that. Sometimes she says chosen as well, And so maybe what I'm thinking is that chosen encompasses. They enlightened the full auras and the minor scenes. I think that sounds more right. Yeah, maybe we'll go with that for now. Yeah, unless someone understood it better than Yeah, again, we're dumb. So yeah, keep that in mind. Keep that in mind as you listen to any episode. Okay, So the nator mentions she can't tell any of the unworthy about seeing the full Aura because then she'll get in trouble and be sent to the Tower of Silence, where she'd be ambeddoned without food or water. And this is like an open air like tower. Yeah, that they lock people away for punishment. The narrator then talks about the links that she goes through to write and hide her written pages, and she says that despite the danger, she writes because she doesn't want to forget who she was before coming to the Sacred Sisterhood. The narrators the next entry talks about the severity severity of the climate disaster in the world. There's a haze that's cold and sticky. Some of the women in the convent get skin reactions like burning and pain from this haze, and it makes it hard to breathe. So to cope with this or to try and prove the situation, the unworthy have to make sacrifices like fasting, walking on their knees, and the enlightened keep telling everyone it's more like him and tower puir sister supposedly through the enlighten because they're the ones that get the messages or whatever. Anyway, they keep telling everyone that without faith there's no refuge, and that they also tell the unworthy that they need to keep making so sacrifices, and some unworthy even offered to clean the pustels of these servants. And the servants are made servants because they are like marked from the contamination outside. They have like pushels, blotches, lumps, black stores, missing teeth. So this haze doesn't affect everyone, No, it does. But so you know how they all come from basically outside, They find their way to the convent and then they either get a stype that or don't. But then some people from being outside from the environment, it's just yeah, pustules, blotches, lumps, missing teeth, hair, and they're the ones that are made servants because in order to be higher than that, you have to have basically you can't be like contaminated like that. Okay, I see, but this haze that is now coming around, like it's when they're it's like present day, this haze is happening, and the unworthy are having to make sacrifices to make it go away supposedly supposedly right, and yeah, some of them are getting skin reactions, but from it's not like permanent, like the circy goes away. Yeah, okay, And so finally eight days later, the Hayes lifts. During those days, the narrator is lashed by Luddez because their collected sacrifices weren't enough. She's like, here's more sacrifice, bitch. Another reason for the narrator to dislike lu this. Yeah. Yeah, So the narrator goes out into the forest to check the traps. She said, like sometimes she gets animals and they use that, you know, for the food. And but what's interesting is that throughout the book, the narrator crosses the words and sometimes other phrases and whole sentences or paragraphs from her writing. She crosses out. I have to add did you listen to the audiobook? Yeah, and tell me why I didn't notice. Oh, okay, so in the audiobook, these parts she whispers yeah, or she'll say it more like frantically. It's so well done. But yeah, I noticed how frantic she sounded. The narrator, the voice actor, I know, you recall it was so good, so good. Yeah, but in the parts in the book that are crossed out in the in the audiobook is when she's whispering or like yeah, whispering and talking faster and more like desperate, and then she goes back to her other voice and the parts that are knock crossed out, And I was like, wow, that's that was so interesting, interesting and you ding yeah, and so yeah, she crosses the word what's out and we found out we find out later why and it's horrible. Yeah. And I didn't put that together until I was reading so basically my third read. Yeah, I didn't put it together until I listened to someone else talking about it and that podcast, and then I was like, oh my god, that's why she wrote. Yeah, the traps are empty, and we learned that the enlightened she's just yapping, you know, about life there and we learned that the enlightened eat well while everyone else eats crickets and everything of crickets. Yeah, another reason to want to be enlightened, because you're like, why do you want to be enlightened? But why wouldn't you? If they eat better? Sure they you hear them screaming, but you don't know why. You don't know why they're screaming. It could be anything. And yeah, they get to eat actual food or while everyone else eats cricket soup, cricket bread, cricket snacks, cricket twenty four and seven of course. Yeah, So while she's out in the woods, she thinks she sees a silhouette of another person, but she runs away and fear that that person might be contaminated. She then recalls another time when a wanderer managed to find their way into the convent and ended up dying, and the servant who cared for the wonder was burned alive by the superior sister because the fear of contamination. Yeah, this is so gruesome, so sadistic. And we learned that the Sisterhood doesn't allow children, men, or elderly into their convent. Suspicious, very suspicious, and he capital h He tells them that all of the children, men and elderly died from wars, starvation, or sadness. But here, even here, the narrator is questioning, beginning to question or this whole time, she's like, some of these things don't add at it. And you know, that's why she was never meant to be enlightened. She was never going to be enlightened. She's out here writing her past, so she doesn't forget it. She's out here questioning, like she was never gonna make it. She has too much critical thinking skills and too much independence. Yeah, and as much as she says she wanted it and she's striving for it, she does. She's it the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. So then she's like, wait, that's not true because she knows that some of the men have made it to the wall of the convent and were then killed. So then we learned that in the past one of the women let a man in. Oh oh, and she managed to hide him. But soon the woman that did this sal oh, she was pregnant. She done got knocked up. And the way that they write pregnant is so interesting. Her womb swelled with sin, right, it's all part of part of the control the cold, the religion, Like of course they're gonna not just say pregnant swollen with sin. Yes, that was crazy, mm hmm, fascinating. I was like, yes, the use of language, I was like, oh my god. So then the woman ends up being tortured by the Sapior sister who again, and this is how the narrator describes it, but the Saperior sister seems to be getting off on this on this torture, I felt so disgusting, like I couldn't even like, I just I felt like I needed to go shower, and like I don't know, pray actually not pray. Yeah, no, So then and then we never learned and the narrator never learned what happened to the man, but probably he was killed. The narrator briefly recalls her own time as a wonder and that a woman in the convent named Elena was the one who led her into the sisterhood. And it's also interesting the way she refers to Elena. What does she say, usually like the the not the troubled one, but basically the one who's she uses specific words. I didn't write it down, she does. I can't remember either, Yeah, like treacherous one, something like that, ding like that. Yeah, again, very interesting because she wasn't supposed to let her in. No, she wasn't. She'd snuck her in, and so like take this for example. She said, that's where she is the fearless. Then she crossed out the fearless. Then she said the undisciplined one Elena. And you could say she was undisciplined because she, like our narrator, makes her own rules. She keeps a part of herself in this environment which is meant to just like the narrator. Yeah, and who and the narrator later does the same thing, Yeah, Elena did. So. Then some more torture and abuse happens, including abuse between the unworthy. Again, they all seem to value hurting each other because that's what this culture has. The culture that has been fostered is basically this. So they hurt each other in order to be in good standing with him and the superior's sister. And the narrator finds herself thinking of Elena and Loki. It sounds like she was in love with her, right, but yeah, I didn't want to admit it. She's like, oh, she was so beautiful and maybe that's why she was so changed, so often changing the way she describes her in the book, crossing it out like no, I can't see, I can't I can't admit to this. But yeah, she definitely wanted her, and I mean, you know, she was for sure staffag, she was for sure lesbian. Oh yeah, so because you know Elena wasn't her only interest. No, she First of all, she finds she described almost other women at some point. It is beautiful. So yes, yeah, yeah, which is fine, yea good for her, except that it's a cult. Yeah, like this would have been the perfect place for her, surrounded by beautiful women, but it's a cult. Yeah, and as we know, in cults only usually the leader is allowed some sort of unless it's a different kind of coal. Yeah, I guess specific rules. Yeah. So then the narrator talks about visiting Elena's grave, and then from what I understood here, the narrator I think she talks about her again later from remembering right, the narrator snitched on Elena for still believing in the false God and in fear that Elena would stitch on her. Because Elena found the narrator's writings and I ended up being killed for still believing in the false God. I forgot what they find, like a crucifix or something. Maybe, yeah, it's a crucifix. I'm pretty sure. Later on another women is hiding a crucifix. That's why I could remember. It's either a crucifix or like a road yeah, algoascine. Yeah, and so yeah, she's just reminiscing about that. And then so a minor saint dies and the sisterhood holds a funeral, and they actually like having funerals because they get to dress up and they do they get to eat food they don't normally eat, kind of like a party. Yeah. So then one wonders here, one begins to wonder, how often is someone dying? Why are the minor saints dying? Like what's going on? Well, it sounds like very often. If like Elena herself was killed for finding this, right, it seems that the enlightened eventually are either killed or die a lot. And then maybe in the violence that they're experiencing with the whole isiler situation and everything the self like cutting that eventually the aura or what are the foul uras? Yeah, are also dying, Like I think there's a lot of them are dying. Yeah. Yeah. So then he goes on to deliver a sermon, talking hell of shit, and I found the sermon, so I don't think fascinating is the right word, but I want fascinating, so unpleasant, disturbingly fascinating. So this is on page twenty seven. He says, you are she wolves and gendering poison, a battalion inseminated by perdition, an atrocity, a sack of feated putrification, no putre faction, a seedbed of disgraceful lucubraiters, unworthy, homicidal women. And then he tells them that one of the minor saints was killed. But I was like, man, he's such a hater. Oh yeah, hates these women, he does, he does. So, yeah, one of the minor saints is killed. He blames the unworthy, but the unworthy don't know why. The spider SAYT died. It's probably him. It is him, we find eye later. You're right, yeah, but he's blaming the woman, you know, to put off attention from himself. Yeah, and to foster more fear, more discipline, more examples. So then yeah, this leads the unworthy to punish themselves, and they like, he tells them unworthy or a minor saint has been killed for sacred crystal stolen, and so then there's like an aspect of performance in these ceremonies and it's encouraged like by him and the Superior Sister. And so then the unworthy heard this news and they start pulling their hair out, scratching at their faces and chests. Oh yeah, it's so disturbing. Yeah, And so then the Superior Sister orders them to take off their veils, which is kind of unheard of for them to do. And then a servant brings the Superior sister a whip, and the narrator describes how meticulous the Superior Sister is about choosing the branches for her whips. And the Superior Sister ends up beating Marielle, who, mind you, has already been through it more than because she's the one who was punished by Luis. Yeah, so yeah, she ends up beating Marielle because supposedly Marielle was someone else supposed to be watching the minor saints, and supposedly this minor saint died because she was a being watched. Probably what I watch, Yeah, and so then while Marielle is getting beat up, she ends up praying to the false god in a forbidden language and she gets beating me wars and again. The narrator described that the Superior Sister seems to be getting off on this, She's enjoying it. She even describes she's like, oh her her breast change and it sounds like she's moaning. I was like, I got the chose reading that part. Yeah, me too, so disturbing. Yeah, so more horrible violence. Next, the Superior Sister ends up setting my Dan on fire with the help of the servants, and LUTH's on her friends, but more like her minions, because this is not really a friendly you know, environm friends. Yeah. Yeah, so Ludths on her minions end up. They start planning the minor saint funeral, but before the funeral is held, another environmental hazard happens. There's a poisonous air. So he delivers another sermon, and I don't know if it's necessarily a sermon, but he basically tells you worthy it's their vault for the poisoner. And this is where he calls them bitches and all this shit. Yeah, unhinged, like you fucking you're the bitch. Yeah. Yeah. The superior sister sends the narrator out to the woods to gather mushrooms, and then on her way over there, the narrator runs into another deaph in his spirit and she mentions how they're tongues are cut off, and then here she writes that she doesn't actually want to be chosen because she doesn't want to be mutilated. But then she crosses that out so interesting. It's actually she's like, this is this is difficult for her. She's like, yeah, she's looking forth grappling. That's the word than I wanted to say. That's her thing together with our one brain, so we make words. So the narrator kind of chose. While she's out there, she lives in the grass, she thinks about Elena, how hot Elena was, and how how Lena used to help her through nightmares from when she was a wonderer, and she talks about how she hasn't had any more nightmare since Elena died, and it turns out he Elena died by being buried alive, so oh my god, terrible. Yeah, And so once again, while the narrator is out in the woods, she thinks she sees someone out there, and she wonders if it's a wonder or if it's a one of the ghosts of the monks that used to live there. So then while the narrator is looking for mushrooms, she thinks again about Elena, and there's a tree trunk that they used to cuddle in, so she's looking for that tree. You're thinking about the tree I remember. But anyway, she finally sees the wonder, who is dirty but doesn't seem to be contaminated. But the narrator is still afraid of being contaminated because it's also something that's pushed in the convent right that the world is contaminated, the world is carying, dangerous. Yeah. It very much reminds me of tender as a flesh. Yeah. So then she runs away, and then the funeral for the matter saying it finally takes place. They get to eat pastries, bathe in actual rain water, And this part was kind of wild. She's talking about rainwater, how they get to bathed in it, and then the word rain triggers this memory from the narrator, and she remembers about the time Maria that the name was being chosen and how she wanted to be named the rain and then this pissed off the sap her sisters so bad that she carved rain onto Maria's back, unhinged either Beloonda unworthy sparrow Maria, and then called her an insurgent instead of helping her. So yeah, there's like a culture of animosity, hatred against each other, competition, very capitalistic if you will. Oh oh, and so yeah, I again here I wrote that there's a culture of hating each other and being cruel to each other. And the narrator shares the rumors that the Superior sister fought in the water wars, and yeah, people say that she's not Yah, that would explain her outfit. Yeah yeah, and the women in the convent also spread rumors that the Sappier sister is not actually a woman, that she has super strength, and that he the patriarch, is her brother. Oh, and then the narrator says something interesting, but she doesn't finish the sentence, so we're kind of left like wondering what. But she says that she knows the Superior Sister is a woman because and then she doesn't finish that, so we're like what what because what what? What is she doing it? Yeah? And then there's a little bit more on that later. Yeah. So they hold the rest of the funeral and then a banquet follows. They have coffee, which they never get to have, and the coffee reminds the narrator of her mom, which I loved these parts about her mom. Her mom sounds amazing. Yeah, And it's like the world that she was trying to survive in and then the mom was trying to get her to survive in. It is a brutal world. Oh yeah, there's no there's a reason that she's grappling so hard with Like, is this a good place? Do I want to be here? Do I want to be light in? Because out there it was bad? Yeah, but there was good and she has good hand bad memories. But man, that bad was bad. But the bad here is bad. Dude, there's so good here, not really, no, exactly. So it's very there's a security in the sense that even if it's cricket food, you're eating food. You know, it makes you wonder is security worth it? Or is security a trap? Ooh, I love the way your mind works. But I was going to say, it's a very interesting parallel, No it is, yeah, yeah, so yeah, her mom loved books and despite the state of the world, her mom taught her to read and write. And the narrator hasn't thought about her past in a long time. It seems like she can't remember much of it, and we'll do that. Yeah, she mentions that she remembers it all, but it's so overwhelming that she cries. And so then here she recalls her time with the group of kids who were all trying to survive. And this part I love too, like just knowing that these kids found each other and the kids were just trying to survive. So they came together and they started calling each other the Tarantula kids based off books that she read to them. And these kids they didn't grow up like her, so they most of them didn't know how to read or write. They were in the streets, yeare her, Yeah, And so she would read them stories. And then she came to be in charge of like picking which books to burn for fire, and she loved picking out books and reading to them and they loved it. They helped each other in a way. She talks about them with such love. Yes, yeah, And in a world where everyone is trying to survive and out to get each other. These kids banded together and they loved each other, They helped each other, went out here. The adults were like all out for themselves. These kids were not. These kids were a family. Yeah, and oh there, what happened to them? I cried? Yeah, it was sad. And I like this quote she said about that. She she says burning a book made me angry because I knew I was setting fire to a world. And I was like, oh, yes, yes, so then yeah, she also talks about a group of adults who ended up killing her group and she managed to get away. And she did talk about before these adults kill them, that her group would spy on them and they saw horrible things they did to children, And she talks about the children having marks on their bodies and having dead empty eyes, and I'm like, what the fuck did they do to these kids? Yeah? Yeah, so they ended up killing her friends. It's another very It's like she she lost her mom and then found this new family. Then after they are all brutally brutally murdered and she finds Circe. Mm hmmm. And so she mentioned Circe here, but she says it's too painful to write about. You're like no, you're like, what happened? Yeah, yeah. So then the narrator goes out for late night walk and she walks by where the Alliance stay and she hears him, but she notes that he's making sounds that are way different from when he preaches, and she also hears a soft, broken cry, So I'm like, okay, d it alludes to yeah, yeah, yes, yes, and it will yeah yeah, very discussing. So then while she's out and about, the narrator goes up to the Tower of Silence where the miner saint who died was left because this whole time she's been planning to steal the crystal necklace that the minor saint was warning because this is a this is a valued item, you know. Yeah. So then she goes up there, and the inl end apparently in their beliefs, are too pure to bear to be buried in the ground. So then that's why they leave them out in the Tower of Silence, like two decay up there basically. So then she is up there, you know, because she plans to steal the necklace or the crystal, and she notices that the miner saint belly is swollen. So then you're kind of starting to put two and two together, right, Yes. So then while she's coming back down, she sees someone and screams, but then we don't know who she sees, and well we do find out later later. Yeah. So then she she screams and then she all she says is I see her in scream And then later she writes it was the woman in the woods, Yes, Lucia, Yeah, we find that out later later. So then once she's back in her room and this part was it, yes, kind of wild. So when she's back in her room, someone opens her door and just stands there watching her while she pretends to sleep, and you're like what why so yeah, who who the fuck? So then that narrator assumes that it's a sapior sister because this is the habit of hers, and you're like, she is where you connected? Like why she knows she's a woman. Yeah, Because then she also describes that the superior sister has done things to her that she doesn't want to describe. Yes, so then you're like okay, And of course, of course the Superior sister and he capital he are both like these depraved discussing people. Yeah, because sexuality. It's you know, I just thought I hadn't thought of this until now, so brain cellsome. But later on, you know, there's some sexual activity I guess, between Lucia and the narrator. But it's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's consensuous. Fireflies are surrounding them because they're so in love and it's a magical, beautiful moment, and so like everything is so dark, so violent, and then we have this beautiful moment of sexual connection between Lucia and the narrator. But then we have like the sexual violence perpetrated by he, by him and the spirits sister. And it's a juxtaposition, if you will. My I mean, this book is full of it. It's like the comparing how she lived with her mom, Yeah, how she lived with her family, the tyrential kids, and then you and then you suddenly get whipped into the whipping of the convent. So it's yeah, it's all that's what the book was full of, like the very huge contradictions between her former life and even like life within the convent once she finds Lucia, right, so yeah, So then the narrator describes the wonder begging for help, and the narrator ends up slapping the wonder for invoking the false god because she's begging for help, you know, probably please God help me, you know, something like that. Yeah, And ultimately the narrator agrees to help the wander and she tells her to stay up there in the tower and she will bring her food. And anyway, this is Lucia, so we'll just call her Lucy efrona while, although she doesn't get ready a little bit later. Yeah, So then the narrator tells Lucia to go to the garden and pretend she fainted there, like she found her way into the convent into the garden. You know what I'm surprised about is all the wandering that she can do. Yeah. Yeah, but there's a will, there's a way. You know, if you're a stinky bitch, she will sneaky. It won't be a sneaky bitch everywhere. Yeah. So yeah, she tells the she tells lucieah to pretend she's been there, you know, she made her own way there. Not that then error helped her because it's just faint in the garden, so that a servant can find her and then she can be welcomed into the Sisterhood. So the narrator also recalls the path with her mom, and she mentioned that unlike then, the Sisterhood doesn't keep track of time, and she also mentions that there are new seasons. So I thought that was interesting because it's a very cold like feature. I guess like there people don't have a sense of time because everything is like within the cult, you know what I mean. I wanted to read from the book from that it's on page any one, she says, we don't know what year it is. I hope that if someone is reading these pages they live in a world where time is measured artificially, even though we know it's a construction, even though we into it that behind the numericals structure, there's nothing other than right now. So I'm like, Okay, maybe it's good total time. Yeah, and then yeah. She also says, why do I care so much of time and space disappear When the world has come undone? Will there be borders in countries again in the future? Today here, right now, the days don't matter, or the months. They disappear, like the stand between my fingers without a trace, Except in this book of the night in this clandestine calendar where this day could be called the day of the Deer because that's today. She finds Lucia and she calls her she because at first she thinks it's like a deer, so she calls her a deer or that she's don't like features. Yeah, so I just thought that was interesting, Like she she craves, like, I think, I think more not structure, because they kind of have structure there, Yeah, but they have no control. I think she she craves having control of her own time and knowing, just knowing. So then during Lucia's naming ceremony, the narrator is so aware that Lucia is a clear candidate to become enlightened, and she knows that the other women in the common will instantly hate Lucien because of that, so then she vows to protect her and she's right. And so then yeah, I'm like, are they enlightened chosen from their beauty? Maybe because at the end of the day, he's you know, bult on them, a man that's assaulting them, a man that assaults Yeah, so I think so, I think so. The narrator then remembers and writes about Circe, but again she's not ready to fully write about her, so she just mentions her and then acid rain starts to fall, and the Superior Sister says that again the unworthy have to make a sacrifice, repeating their mantra. Without faith, there's no refuge. At this point, the narrator is starting to question even more the beliefs of the Secret Sisterhood, but again she crosses that out because she's not ready to fully embrace that. You know, there's this hesitation. Yeah, So for the sacrifice, Lucia offers to walk on burning embers, like cool, Like how cool? So everyone is left her plexed. After Lucia walks on the embers and seems to be like fine, she she needs a fire, her feet are normal, and he is watching from the tower, Lucy's like, oh no, he's not Lucia. The narrator's like, no, don't watch her. Yeah, and get away from her. Get a job for real. When the Sakra sacrificial ceremony is over, all of the unworthy follow Lucia to her room and then the narrator here screams. She's like, what the hell's going on that she finds out the screams are from Ludus and her minions. Apparently Ludes left a nest of wasps in Lucia's bed because she's a jealous hater. But the wasps they just hover around Lucia without attacking Lucia and her witnesses. They say that it seemed like Lucia was able to control the wasps and they attack Ludus and her minions, which is wild. There's like some magical qualities to Lucia, and you know, I wonder. I have to wonder because the narrator is not reliable. She is in love with her, and she's in love with her, but throughout she's just in general she's not reliable. So it makes you wonder, is she placing these magical magical qualities qualities upon to her after the fact, or were they really there? Or are they being embellished a little bit. It makes you wonder, It makes you wonder. So then Lucia and the narrator have a little moment, a little cute sea moment. They hug, Lucia strokes the narrator's cheeks. Anyway, they end up walking out to the garden and it seems like the wasps are following Lucia, and while they're out there, the narrator notices a diaphanous spirit and the diaph and his spirit smiles at Lucia, which is weird because they don't they don't do that. Yeah, so she was like, what the fuck. So the next day they're having breakfast and it seems like the sapper's sister has taken a special interest to Lucia. She brings your coffee. Nobody gets coffee around there, and it's not a good thing. Yeah. Next, the narrator is finally able to write about Circe. She talks about them traveling together, learning to trust each other. And I thought Circe was a girl. She's very clearly a cat. She uh talks about her cat like features and describes them she hates, which I guess if you're starving that could be. Yeah. But she catches, like I think she describes her catching something with her teeth or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's it should have been clear that. It should have been clear there. So then in the next entry, the narrator says she's been anxious and she's written less because she was almost discovered writing. But it was just Lucia so really it was fine. The narrator mentions that rumors are spreading that Lucia has powers because of the various things that have happened, like the wasping, the walking on the embers thing, and Lucia ends up asking the narrator to meet her in the garden and the under out well she really separately, but anyway, on her way out, the narrator stops to listen at the door where the Alliance stay, and again she hears like a cry, so it's like, what the fuck. Then here again the narrator crosses or she writes, questioning whether she actually wants to be enlightened. But then she crosses everything out and she only leaves the words help God, question mark uncrossed. So that's interesting, very very And so then they meet out in the woods, the narrator and Lucia. They hold hands. I thought here that maybe more happened, but no, they're just holding hands. Yeah, But then the narrator writes and she questions how she can write about what happened next, saying that it disappears sister, where to find the pages? She would be punished severely, and so then that's why she ripped out the pages and burned the pages that talk about Elena. So then I'm like, okay, like did she talk about her attraction to Lena maybe and then her also her attraction to Lucia. And then she rips those pages out because it's clear later on that nothing happens here, like kissing or nothing, because she teks later about her first kiss. Yeah, it has to be something like that. Yeah, that's what I think. But you never know, you never find out, yeah, what those pages were. So then the narrator writes about how she felt ashamed and she destroyed the evidence and then turned Elena in and that's why she can't write about what happened after her and Lucia I held hands or when her Lucia held hands, So it's not super clear. Yeah, and next it's the peer sister, with the help of the servants, raids the rooms. This is a constant thing that happens. They read the rooms. That's the uniw worthy and Maria, that's all the dad who has been through it. She's constantly tortured by Ludus. She ends up getting punished because they find a diy crucifix in her room and none of the unworthy helped Maria. Some of them even spit on her, except of course Lucia, who is otherworldly, magical, kind, saintly, Yeah, beautiful, And I wonder if she's just like a normal person because she hasn't been that long. But because she's so kind, unlike everyone here who has been hardened by the environment, maybe that's why she comes off as magical too. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. So then the next day, Maria finds a cockroach in her bowl and she has no reaction to it. She keeps eating, and then Ludduths and her gang laugh because they put it there to make fun of her. So then Lucian's like, you bitch, and she grabs the cockroach she throws. Yeah, and then they start calling Lucia cockroach. They're trying to bully. Lucia is too cool, you know, she doesn't care. Yeah, she's too beautiful, unbothered, amazing. Yeah, love the brothered queen. Yeah. So then the narrator and Lucia go into the woods again, and this is Wherely ends up kissing. It's beautiful power flies around them. The narrator mentions how no one had ever kissed her, and then yeah, they end up being surrounded by fireflies during their encounter, and this just adds to Lucia as like magical aura. Yes, and they also, I mean think of the song it does mighty posts us. Yes, that's why you that that real that we posted and the TikTok will makes so much more sense. So then the narrator wonders with Lucia, there's more out there, and I guess I wrote down that I wanted to talk about a quote from Lucia from page one seventeen. Let's see. Oh, they're talking about like what's true and what's not about the world, because right they constantly hear from him about how everything is yeah, shambles, contaminated, blah blah. So then Lucia says, the truth is changeable, It contracts, implodes, it's powerful like a bullet, and it can be lethal. Oh and is that I mean? Is that not why a message information is so dangerous? That is the antidote too fascism, But telling the truth, you know what I mean? Yeah? Yeah, Plus she would have more knowledge of she was just out there. Yeah. Yeah. Once they're back in their rooms, the narrator expresses her worry that Lucia will get chosen as an enlightened and then we get another stupid sermon from him. He's basically again talking shit how he hates women. But during that sermon, the narrator has a memory of Circe, and so she describes traveling with Circe. We learn more about the addition to the world back then, but then again, we don't know how long she's been in the convent, but she mentions the earth being dry, people and animals din of starvation. She the most recent one before Lucia. I think she might be. I think, so that's the vibe I got from her. She's oh no, no, uh. Who was the one that wanted to be named the rain? Was that Maria? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah she was? Or the other one that keeps getting beat I forgot her name right now? There's another one I can't the one going through it. Yeah, yeah, there's two of them that are kind of going through it. One of them gets there after and she talks about her naming ceremony, right yeah, right, okay, never mind, no worries. You're trying to put a time frame to how long she's been there. Yeah, So there's two incidents before the end of the narrator's journey with Sirce that I think are worth mentioning. But before we get there, the narrator realizes why she keeps crossing the word of Wood's out and why she can't really remember the past. But she experienced something so traumatic that her mind blocked all of her memory from then. And then she writes that she remembers, but at this point she's not ready to talk about it yet, and then yeah, she remembers that. And then this is also the same part she describes the journey with Sarci, and she talks about going into a house or they hear a rocking chair and discovers something hella disturbing. And I also just wanted to read this part because I think describing it doesn't do a justice. If you're right, you're right, Nightmare Funeral, I mean fuel fuel. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's on page one seven And let me open my bug too, all right, So Circe moves back afraid, but I stepped closer. The first thing I saw was a woman her eyes closed, who seemed to be nursing a baby ramped in animal skin. But then I looked closer. What was latch to her breast seemed to be a rat. It had the teeth and tail of a rat, but it was bigger. She was cradling it. This thing was eating her. I moved back, covering my mouth because I didn't want to scream. I didn't want that thing to look at me. Circe approached slowly, prepared to attack, and the things stopped eating and bared its teeth, teeth stained with blood. I think it growled or made a noise like stifled laughter. The woman kept rocking with her eyes closed, back and forth, back and forth. The way it's written is so interesting to the back and forth. It's like space one side. Yeah, yeah, if you're on video, you can see what I'm talking about. That was so deserving. Now it's like so scary. You know. I listened to it and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, what do you mean. So then the narrator talks about going to the woods with Lucia. We're back to the present every night, and then then becoming close. Basically the narrator ends up telling Lucia about what happened to her in the woods, and Lucian just there for her in the most supportive, beautiful way. Yes, and so then she tells Lucia and she describes it in the journal. So then after her and Sercy left the rat Lady, they walk for days in streatch of food, water, and shelter. Event they find themselves in a strange building and their narrator finds old cell phones and she knows about them because of her mom, and her mom told her that people had become too dependent on their phones, the internet and Ai AI and that some people even worshiped Ai. Oh and oh my god, you're going to talk about it. Well, I haven't watched the video, but I watched it. No, No, I was busy, but I did see it on my like you know your way who you're subscribed to uploaded a new video, and Taylor Lorenz uploaded a video titled something about worshiping Ai. Right, Yeah, people are worshiping is Ai the new god or something the new religion? Yeah? And immediately I was like the unworthy? What? Yeah? But I just saw another video of some guy who proposed to a to AI Yeah and cried and he was married? Is that the one? I saw? Another of someone's like interviewing a couple, a married couple, And then the news reporters asking the wife, what does he say, because the man has a problem with AI, and he's like, if he proposes, I think to the AI, what would you do? And then the wife is like, that would be the last straw. I would leave And then he's how is the straw already? Not like how I reached the last straw? Right? But then the reporter asked the husband. He's like, how did I feel hearing that? And he's like, I'm not faced by it. He's like, what that should have been? That she should have walked out right then? And there? Yeah, and I did watch the Taylor Lorenz video and she and she talks about how people are basically worshiping AI but emphasizing how it's not a religion. It's regurgitating existing, repeating, it's saying things we want to hear because it puts like it recognizes the language and puts it. That's how predicts what to say next, you know what I mean. And it's just it's just it's so creepy that it's in this book and like, and we just saw that video. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it all at all. So then in one of the rooms of the strange building. The narrator finds a notebook where someone wrote about the world is sending into destruction basically, and they write about rain that lasts forever, wildfires, drought, dying wells. And at first the handwriting is knee and orderly, but then the writer just starts writing like in all capital letters, just phrases like chaos, global, blackout. What are we are losing their minds as the world is falling apart? Yeah, So then the writer starts writing prayers to Ai, and then nothing after the prayers, so like we see evidence of people worshiping Ai, like the narrator's mom told her, it happened. Soon the narrator hears noises sure out to be everyone's worst fear, a group of men. I'm saying, no, but yeah, if I were to find myself somewhere alone with just my pet and I saw a group of men, I would fear for my life, honestly. Yeah. And that's like so serious, you know, oh yeah, yeah. But they managed to hide it from the men all night, and then the next day they leave and they make their way through some metallic woods woods, which is something that rich people were doing to replicate normal treats the woods that were falling apart, and yeah, that's you can't just make robot robot woods. Yeah. So then the narrator and Serci are going through these metallic woods, and then narrator ends up getting attacked and sexually assaulted by this group of men. During the attack, the narrator keeps hoping that Circe stays away from the danger because she doesn't want her you know, near it, reveal herself, yeah, and then be subject to these men. Right. But Circe and every loyal cat wants to defend her person. Yeah, And she steps in to protect her friend, and she tries to f I cried. She tries to fight all the men, but there's too many of them and they kill her. And the narrator Birnie Sirce, but she describes her so beautifully. I don't I didn't put down a page or anything, but I didn't work it. I think I put a sad face or a p sarcy when she yes, it was so sad. Okay, the part, all of it is sad and horrible. But then because throughout the book, as she's describing Sirce, she always describes how basically how beautiful Circe's eyes are. And so then that's why it made me cry when she because throughout it she's like, oh her, but I forgot how she says that she's like something like her powerful eyes her, you know, things like that she describes her eyes, and as Circe's dying, she says, the last thing I saw was Circe's eyes. I saw the rabbit ocean, the sea of savage stars fighting desperately, but behind the consolations there was no rage, only an eternal dance of light. And I was like, I am almost crying right now. My God, that broke me that. I was like, I have to stuff right here for a minute, like I can. And then I love how she calls her my intenttress, my little sorceress. Yeah, she loves and because Circe was the first thing she found out that her family, her friends, yes, died and just that trust they build together. Because even she talks about it, she's all, like people eat in Circe, Yes, that's what she says, and like people don't feed each other, they don't help each other in this world. But me and Circe, we fed each other, like, yeah, brought you know what I mean like and then the narrator again and again is not is like defying these new set of rules for humanity, where humanity is now all each you know again one for uh what what is a saying each preserve for themselves? Yeah, each man for himself. Whatever, she's not following, that's at a rule she from the moment her mom. She loses her mom, and she finds this new set of friends, this new family, and they help each other. And then she finds Circe and they help Circe and they help each other, and then she brings Lucia in when she's not like, she's not she's not meant for this, She's meant for more. Yeah. So yeah, that's terrible and it was hardbreaking. She ends up burying Circe and then she kind of just like she doesn't know how she makes it she but she makes her way to the sacred sisterhood. Okay, so then a few things happened Maria. I think it's Maria that ends up dying or gets killed, I don't remember how, but also Ludes gets killed because the narrator gives her amanitazos mushrooms that get you high. And then you know Ludez ends up acting a fool. She that's naked, and she gets paid for it and hung by this pair of sister Yeah, and then the nator. The narrator feels bad because she's like, I hated this bitch, but even she didn't deserve to die this way. It was gruesome. Yeah, And Lucia is so empathetic that she understands the narrator and doesn't judge her for having given her these mushrooms that yeah, and I not she would have got punished, but I don't think she knew she would be killed. I don't think she did that because she often mentions how Lucas was a favorite, and so she didn't. She was very much on her way to become light in until this happened. But I don't think she was going to get chosen as night because it seems like she's been here forever. That's why she's one of the top bitches, you know what I mean. It's almost as if it's like she serves a different purpose here, yes, setting the tone yeah. Yeah. Or maybe maybe Lucas herself thought she was going to be like in one day, but it was never meant for her. I think she thought she would yeah, yeah, but the saparior sister and he knew she was never going to be that because she was serving another yes in this control high control. Yeah right, I agree, I agree. Wowow. So the narrator and Lucian ends up bringing Ludus down to give her like a more honorable death, you know, or story dead, but you know what I mean, like goodbye. So then Lucia ends up getting chosen as Enlightened. And as you remember, the Enlightened are locked up in a different area of the convent. So then the narrator breaks into the refuge of the Enlightened to where they're locked away, and lo and behold, she walks into the patriarch raping Lucia while the superior sister watches a whip in hand. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? So fucking gross and statistic. Yeah. So then the narrator also sees a bunch of pregnant Enlightened and they're all in the room while this is happening. So and it's like there waiting to die, right because there's no babies that are born in this place. Yeah, so that's why I'm like, yeah, they die here a lot yeah all, and you know she so she mentions before actually I didn't write it down, but around the same time that Maria that is killed and Luda's is killed, and Lucie and the narrator go out into the woods because they go out almost every night to make out hook up and the little tree trunk, the tree hollow where they hide and you know, get together, you know, for that, they probably have so much time to sneak around like this because he and their sister are busy doing this. Yeah. Yeah, they see in one of the inlian that a marou, which one like a minor saint or what. But she's like dead out there and her belly is swollen. And then they kind of look at each other like, oh, like he's doing this, like they kind of know. Yeah, yeah, so that's why they enlightened. And the minor saints and dead and their bellies are swolen because he gets them pregnant, and then they kill them and yeah, I'm very disturbing. So then the narrator jumps into action. She stabs the superior sister, but the superior sister manages to stab the narrator back, and the narrator does also get to whip the patriarch with the whip with the spi sister's whip, and she does mention like he's so beautiful. What does she say? It hurt to hit him? Basically, yeah, it hurt to hurt him. Yeah. So Luciana narrator end up there. They managed to get away, but the pain is too much for the narrator to go on because she did get stabbed, she knows she's not gonna make it any Yeah. So then she urges Lucia to keep going, and Lucia and a few of the aliened run away with her. Hopefully they find a better place and made a better life. And the narrator dies while writing her last words and actually wanted to read her last word. Yeah, I'm going to leave this book of the night, these pages I've been writing and protecting for so long in the hollow of the tree, our tree. Maybe one day someone will find them and read them. Or they'll get wet and return to their origin, to the trees where they began, and these words will become the woods, will be purified by the sap, will glow in the roots, or maybe they'll disintegrate into a void that caresses governs hurts. I hear the bells, they're coming amazing. Okay, do you have anything to say about this last I have some thoughts about the things go on go on? Okay, it's very it's very interesting. I keep saying that word. But the woods, the woods is where she is going to leave these because from her trauma from yeah and yeah, she couldn't write the word woods and here it's yea and she starts causing it out. Yeah, and this is where she, you know, her life is over in these you know, in the woods. This is where she's going to leave these pages in the woods. And it's it's it's fitting that the word caresses is in here but also governs and hurts, because this is what the woods have been for her. Yeah, this is where she found love, but it's also the biggest source of like pain for her with Circe, and so it's, uh, it's also I don't know, like again, what a juxtaposition of the experiences she's had in the woods all in these last last sentences that she's written, well last words really not even sentences, like they're like it's like two sentences. But yeah, also, who's coming? What are the bells? I figured the Sapir sister and him that they're coming to make sure she was dead. I guess maybe it's the I don't think she's dead because she doesn't stab her that harm. I wish she was dead. So maybe it's the light at the end of the tunnel, the belles type of thing. I also didn't want to mention. Another reason why Lucia and the narrator thought the world was healing was because they they hear bees for the first time, to hear it bees. Yeah, and here I think it's around here where she actually stops crossing the word what's out? Yeah, but at this point she's been going like almost nightly with Lucia, so it's like, you know, they have a new meaning now. Yeah, yeah, and its not Is that not beautiful? Yes? Truly? Should we get as to the questions, Yes, let's rush to these questions. I know we always think so along with these then and then the questions are like fifteen minutes. We can also not do all. There are a lot of questions. They were just all the ones that were in the book. So more, do you want to talk about the erroneous god to fall son, the negative mother? Yeah? So the first question. It's kind of a good well again, these are all from from the book Guide Like, so without faith there is no refuge. This phrase is repeatedly uttered by the members of the Sacred Sisterhood. What do you think it means? How does their faith differ from traditional Catholicism? And why do you think they decry the erroneous God, the false son, and the negative mother. So without faith there's no refuge. Like, I didn't really think of a special meeting behind it, but I thought it's like one of those thoughts stopping. What do they call them. It's like a thing of cults that they all have phrases. Oh yeah, they all have like a special thing that you say and the dy repeat like a motto. But it's meant to be like a thought stopping because you know, when in high control groups, people question, they start to question things when they start to repeat to yourself, and not just what you repeat to yourself, but what other cult members and the leaders of the cults repeat to you to make you stop questioning. And that's why they're called thoughts stopping something you do. I keep thinking thought stopping cliche, but I'm not sure if that's the right phrase. Or not, but they're meant to make you stop thinking and to just accept things as they are. And there are also a thing in regular religion. Yes, it is. It is something that someone repeats themselves when they're like, yeah, oh my god, yeah, fascinating. I love that you are discussing, because of course you would say that, and I was just gonna say, well, it's just like a religious thing. But yeah, yeah, good answer. I don't have anything to add to that part. Okay, what about the why do you think they say erroneous God, the false and the negative mother? Well, I think they needed to create something a new religion, knew, something different, something more extreme for it to be to have this level of control, because sure the I mean, some cults alone don't need the extra you know, they are religious Christian religious cults, but they do take things to an extreme and a different level. So yeah, I think that's why they needed to make something new. Also because the world was changing. The world was different now, it feels for a reason, and they hear with these beliefs, so they needed to change them. Yes, yes, And also they needed something to blame, and it's so easy to if you're trying to control people in this very extreme way to denounce what they previously believed as the worst of the worst, and like, well, what if your god is so special? Why did the world end? So that's what I think. That makes sense. I'm going to go with that too. Look at us the next one. I feel like we kind of talked about throughout as we did a recap. Why does a narrator want to be one of the enlightened? What do you think she and the other members of the Secret systm so really accept the authority of the superitistor? Oh yeah, we did. We did talk about that throughout. Yeah, so we don't need to go through that one. Discuss the world of the unworthy? What happened to create this dystopian healthscape, which threats mentioned in the novel feel most prophetic to you? If the Internet went down permanently tomorrow, how do you think it would impact our lives? Well, okay, so we don't ever fully learn what happened. It's just little snippets here and there, but basically, natural disaster after natural disaster, then like AI something, and then like a blackout, and then boom, everything's gone wrong and all of the all of these are so very much things that because like we know that maybe your basic AI question, like hey, what can I make with these ingredients? That's not using up a time, right, But we know that these very big like usage of AI is taking water and like resources and the already yes, not great environmental conditions that we haven't have cost right, And there's a reason that so so much dystopian, so many dystopian books focus on how the world ended, and and because it's not a far reach, like if you take the parable of the sower for example, and the California wildfires, and then here like the dark gas, there's parts of the world in the United States that don't have access to clean water already. Yeah, and yeah, have predicted and anyway I want to think about it. No, but like water water not being available is a very real thing that is not too far. And then people like when I made a video when I talked about mining, and then some and how the waters from toxic don't like water covers any percent of the world. How does it ever to be gone? And I'm like, should they suck up? So just shut your fucking mouth, you idiot, you fucking idiot. God damn it. So we will just shut open their fucking mouths or the little fingers so typely dumb bullshit. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it because these are very real threats and people are out here still denying them. The water's media, the world's made water. How can we ever been out of it? What? You're stupid, You're just stupid. Yeah, it's a very real, real thing. So you pair that with like, literally were we are right now? And yeah, honestly, and then and then you add in the video that we mentioned about AI and yeah, honestly, it all seems a little too possible, and that's scary. Also, if internet went away, we would not function, we would die, not we would like you know how many things control that? When I was working in healthcare and our internet went down, that she was a nightmare. There's a I think I talked about the movie for one of the spooky recommindations, but like, the whole premise of the movie is that somebody does a blackout in the US for seven seconds and so many people die. I thought it was a show. Oh yeah, my bad, it's a show. Okay, yeah, it is a show. The show was. I don't fully recommend him, but it was an interesting but it's it very much is possible, like with like if everything shuts down at the same time. I mean, oh, what's that thing called white two k? No, that's the oh yeah white two k okay yeah, two thousand, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah that was by two k. Yeah. Yeah, there's a reason people were scared. And that was years ago. Yeah, now we're even more dependent. Yes, and we say that from our little internet show, from our computers. But I'm holding my phone. Yep, yep. Number five. I feel like we talked about throughout the the family. Yeah, we did. We Yeah. Number six is interesting. I don't think we talked about it because I didn't get too much into Lisa's story. Oh, he was one of the Tarantula kids. Yeah, he was the leader of the Tarantula kids. Yeah, and his parents fought in the Water Wars and so they like trained him basically to survive. And Ulissa's mother tells him about the water Wars that there were no enemies, only people trying to survive, people dying of thirsts and hunger. So, yeah, this is an interesting question what behavior becomes permissible and a disaster winning world like this one is a self preservation. Is self preservation justifiable when it comes at a cost to others' lives? And I think, like obviously what some people, some of the adults were doing that the narrator describes like killing the kids doing who knows right, and then the group of men that assaulted her and left her for dead and killed Sircy, that is absolutely unjustifiable, no matter what. And people survived by building a community, not by attacking each other. So I think for me, stealing like from stealing from people, I don't think should be allowed, even if it's find to survive, like and you know, okay. The interesting thing to me is that each person's definition of what is justifiable is going to be different, right, right, But for me, like I don't, I mean like it ends again it's so like, yeah, it's easy to say, what is that justifiable? And not from our my comfortable ac room, right, But if we were in an would you steal from a kid? No, I couldn't. I would, I would, And that's the thing to assault and sexually assault a woman and that's not necessary to survive. That is not necessary to survive, But neither is one of their kids. No, No, But I mean, is it not such a common theme in all these apocalyptic movies shows, and in the end, what ends up helping them survive? Community? Community? Yeah, so to me it's not justifiable. But I understand that other people's answers there are certain things that they're going to say is justifiable. But I'd rather help and build a community then steal and kill. Like yeah so, but I am an idealist. Sometimes I am in the same opinion as you. Yes, yes, of course, of course, of course. Of course. We kind of talked about number seven already, about the truth quote. Oh, yeah we did. Yeah, we talked about her already as well. Yeah, we did. We I think we talked about number nine already. What role does that play in the novel? Discuss the cross out parts of the narrator's diary. Yeah, we did go through that throughout the recamp. Yeah, I feel like we sort of touched on a pretend. What did you think of the novel's framing device that the book we're reading is in narrator's diary will motivate her to keep writing even though she knows it's dangerous. Consider the other diary the narrator encounters in an abandoned house on pages one, thirty six, thirty seven. She's trying to hold on to her humanity. Yeah, and she mentions it throughout, even at the very end when they're running away. What does she say? Basically, she's like, I want the memory of me and Circe and Lucia to stay alive. It's just not the most human thing ever for us to tell stories, for us to want these stories to be heard and seen. Yes, oh I love that. Oh my gosh, what was the context. I don't remember O my trauma, but yeah, it is such a human thing, and that's them holding onto her humanity and her and the journal that she found, they're the same. There's no difference to me. Sure the writing is different, the content is different, but in the end, it's people trying to preserve their memory. And do we not see this throughout, you know, even the stories and legends that we're passing on, but also throughout very difficult times in history, people are still writing, People are still dogumenting, people are still sharing because it's human nature. And I love it, me too, Me too. I feel like eleven we kind of touched on, but were you surprised about it? About discover the review at the end of the novel about the mis serious. No, when you're talking about a man in charge of a cult, there's no other outcome. Yeah, and then paired with the crying that she's hearing throughout and then she's like, oh he sounds different. Yeah yeah, immedia immediately is what I thought of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think happened to her and the manuscript after she stopped writing? That's an interesting question because yeah, like who found these pages? I want to believe that, because you know, she died holding onto these pages. I want to believe that Lucy I came back and buried her and then got those pages, and then sometime in the future That's what I want to believe too. And then sometime in the future she published The Unworthy and we're holding it out. Yes, yeah, that is what I want to believe. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go with that. Yes, yes, because the alternative is that it was burned and she was found by a wounded but not dead superior sister. And I don't like that at all. That I don't like it. And that's the the last question. Which scene of the book disturbs or find you the most? What do these elements of horror or fem gore ad to the story, what is stortainy, all of it, all of it was so disturbing, but honestly, the worst, yes, the worst part is the woman on the rocking chair and the rat ye eating her and she didn't even notice because she was just that close to death already where she probably in her in her mind was holding her baby and that would have been like a beautiful way to end her, her life to end, but in reality so disgusting, fucking rat, abomination, abomination of a fucking rat, a most rat. Yeah. And the disaposition of those two things where maybe in her mind it's it's like the Sinners where he's holding in his baby and yeah, Annie, and that's what yeah, and really reality, Yeah, yeah, that was the most disturbing scene. I mean. And they add to me, they add because some people will read this book. And even though on the Tenders to Fleedge got the same reception for some people where they were like the violence, which is unnecessary, this is just trauma porn. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. And I do understand some people cannot read things like this, but it just showed you the the conditions that it takes for this type of violence to be normalized and tender is a flesh did the same thing for me. We talked about it during a couple episodes ago. Last episode it was a bigger recommendation of mine, and we talked a little bit about it, but like it wasn't unnecessary. No, not to me, I don't think it was unnecessary. It's like you said, it's what kind of world has become that this level of violence is acceptable and normalized. And then yeah, to me, Tenors of Flesh was like about who we other and what conditions we allow the others to live their live in. Yeah, and this is like a commentary on religion and if you if you take it ten steps up, you get to unworthy. And it's like, okay, well, if being worthy was so shocking, and why is this okay when this is like a very very very extreme version of the same thing, and versions of the unworthy have happened in history, and you know, not to reason like this is like cold behavior, you know, yeah, and we know yeah, I mean we've heard of the cults and what they have done to each other and you know, yeah, so yeah, it's not far fetched at all. I think we just had the idea added horror from a dystopian world, and yeah, it makes it that much worse. But I don't. To me, it's not just unnecessary trauma for trauma's sake, you know what I mean. Yes, I think that we have to think about to the context of Agustina. She's from Aquinina, where they lived in a literal dictatorship, are now again falling into some something authoritarianism you could say, from lay and people lived in tortuous conditions and were disappeared, tortured in Acintena from a dictator backed by the United States, you know what I mean. So I think that for me, that's also important context. Yes, same same. Also she talks about how an interview interview with I think it was like what's that podcast called Talking Scared, Talking Scared. She mentions how she went to a Catholic school and she very much like at the back of writing the Uniworthy, that experience was in her mind where they were it was fostered for them to live in this competitive environment where they were telling about each other. Yeah, and that's exactly what I'm saying, that this is a version of what like Catholic schools today. Yes, Catholicism has spread around already, right, it's like an established religion. But how did it get there? Through colonization, through colonialism, through violence, through genocide. So we no matter how much Catholics want to try, and this is why I will never really be able to come back to the religion, no matter how much we try. We can't separate Catholicism from the violence they enacted on the indigenous and the whole reason why we are here as you know mesicos today. Yeah, we can't separate the violence from that. Yeah, and not only in Latin America, throughout the world. Oh yeah, yeah, so yeah, yeah, And that was our discussion questions. I love it, those of them, right, Okay, so rating what what did you rate this? Five cockroaches out of five cockroaches? Oh my god, I love that. I was going to say five pages of a journal out of five. Yeah, it is, it is, Yeah, it is a five out of five for me. I wouldn't recommend this to everyone, but it's not for everyone. But if you don't mind gore and violence, if you want to feel disgusted while you're reading, then then this is for you. It was like a combination of feeling like horrified and like sick to my stomach, but feeling hope as well. What what a crazy combination? And if you want to feel that, then we recommend this. Yes, no, I done? Yeah, oh sorry, I want to add one more thing. I just remembered. I saw a lot of reviews that they're like, oh, nothing happens me me, and like for me, I'm such like if the writing is beautiful, which it is here and that's why I wanted to share some of the quotes that I did, like absolutely nothing can happen in a book, but if the writing is beautiful, I will love it. And that was another what do they mean nothing happened, a lot happened, or a lot happened. Yeah, we saw her. But some people need like an action packed book. And to those people, I say, where's your brain? Now? I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding because I only have half a brain cell, you know, and again together we have one brain cell. Yes, but yeah, that's what I saw about the book, and I agree. But everyone has their own taste. But I will I will say, if you don't like an unreliable narrator, who you don't know if you can trust her. She's crossing things out. She's I fully trusted her. I believe every word. I don't care. But you and I I see also like we also love unreliable narrators. Okay, no, she is she is. We don't know so much. And if you if you need to know what has happened, okay, And if you need to know that narrator is I saw. Yeah, if you need to know, then this is not for you. But if you want to live in the unknown, if you want to confuse, absolutely live for that. Yes, the world is grey. Everything is a question. Why do you say it like that? Sometimes I just say things weird? You know, I know I do. It's the it's the it has to match the expression, you know, the sentence. But yeah, some people hate it that the cause of the dystopia is not explained. But it doesn't have to be explained. And you know what other book is kind of similar to this in that it's someone telling you their story. They're not exactly right, are they writing? I don't remember she's writing or not, But I who have never known men, it's similar to this, and that we don't know why they are the situation. Yeah, in that situation that they are in. We don't know why they were released. It kind of happens. Yeah, nothing happens in that one more than this one. But I loved it because the writing is beautiful and it makes you wonder, it makes you ponder, you know. Yeah, yeah, Okay, I'm done. So yeah, that's yeah, that's who I would recommend this to and who I would not. Yeah. Yeah, all right, okay, two second book of the year as the time of recording. By the time I will be like seven months until year. Oh yes, next week's episode. Yeah yeah, So what what is our next book? Hopefully we can do two more books later or this year, because butcha, it's our next book. But Chica, Okay, it's our next book. And there's two books I for sure want to read that are coming out in August that I want to do. But I'm three two books in the end of the year. I don't know. We'd have to do almost one a month because they're it's only I absolutely need to do The Possession of a Yeah, yes, is that? Yeah? Yes? And then Celi book The be Witching the Bay coming out to in August. Yeah, both of them, I think are. Yeah, we can do both. I wanted to do both. Okay, I guess we can do one and then the next one can be the first book for next year. Since I don't think we'll be able to we'll see how let's let's shoot, yeah, it's doable. It is it should be yeah. But yeah, okay, so but Chica and then The Possession of the Yeah. So if anyone's coming up her birthday, I know I want to buy both of them for our birthday. But yeah, if anyone wants to join in our on our next book club, we are reading but Chica. Bye, hold on. I bought the book already because I saw it when I went to that wine That's right bookstore. Amazing. I heard mixed reviews already, but I never really pay attention to reviews. I like to same. But Chica by Carolina Flo said Chiario, Okay, Chiaio, that's our next book. Yes, that is our next book. I have. I too have seen mixed reviews, but yeah, we like forming our own opinions. We shall see. And you know, there's been one book that we weren't. It wasn't five out of five so far in the book club. So I like a three out of five. Three is alike for a big deal for it's like a love. Five is like a my life is changed for reading this. And yeah and even then I had at fives like candy sometimes, so no, I hand out five is like candy for sure. Yeah, so yeah, that's our next book. And then yeah, we already said the one after which is going to be the position of Albadas. And hopefully if we still have time to be witching, they'll be witching by Siria Barcia, who right now has the most books in our book club. Yeah we love her though, we do. Yeah, so yeah, you have the books, we have listed of them. Now we have to read them. Let's do it. Let's do it. Yes, okay, And other than that, let us know your thoughts. We love seeing them. And yeah, stay a spooky and I don't know, watch out for giant rats and arc and chairs please please yeah, alright, bye bye. 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